#13x13challenge with buggy: Day 1

Date: 01 June 2020

Total miles: 13.11

Highlight of the run: Getting my lovely neighbour out for a 2.5 mile jog (pic below). She enjoyed it and wants to do it again on Wednesday! I love seeing people getting out and active 👏😍 Huge well done to her!

I didn’t plan any specific route because after two rest days I just wanted to run and feel free. That is probably why I foolishly decided to take a random path, instead of the main road, and ended up fighting my way through a sea of nettles, because I always stubbornly refuse to turn back. My child in the buggy was stunned by the adventure (and by the nettles) so he didn’t complain much, apart from an occasional “ouchie”. Anyway, getting stung by nettles is actually good for you as it increases blood flow in affected area. I remember an elderly woman in our village who used to whip her legs with nettles as a “cure” for arthritis. I suppose there is always a little bit of truth in old wives’ tales. Having said that, I think I’ll stick to wider nettle-free paths in future 🙂

It comes without saying that day 1 is usually the easiest so I have no complaints, apart from my slightly niggly knees. However, in my experience, the more I run the better they get so let’s just hope for the best.

If you get out for a run/jog/walk today (and I insist you do) here is a veggie lunch tip that has everything you need to fuel your body with healthy stuff: coconut milk and lemon grass stir fry with tofu. I’m just tucking into it now ❤

Let me entertain you with my mad running challenge

The Runnerd (or simply “me” if you think that referring to myself in third person is a sign of mental disturbance) is thrilled to announce a 13 x 13.1 in 13 days challenge starting on 1st of June!

I will (attempt to) run 13 half marathons (13.1 miles) over 13 consecutive days. All of them with a buggy. Let’s just call it the 13×13 challenge, shall we?

Before you ask, yes, I might be mildly bonkers.

Now, why am I doing it?

Trust me, this is a question I will be asking myself several times per day over the next two weeks. So I better write it down while it still makes sense to me:

Occasionally, people tell me I inspired them to do something cool (usually studying or exercising). We live in crazy times and we all seem to be getting a little bit mad (which is only natural) as if having our freedoms limited brings out (on occasions) the worst in us. I strongly believe that exercise is the answer to that. So I want to kick your bottom and energise you! Get up! Get moving! Go for a jog! You’ll experience endorphins rushing through your body which will make you feel happy; you’ll inhale some fresh air which will make your brain work better, and the sense of achievement you get will make you smile for the rest of the day. And if you lose a few grams of your lockdown weight (not that you need to) – well, that’s just the cherry on the cake. So yes, I am doing this to inspire you.

Secondly, I want to show everyone that excuses are lame and totally unnecessary. I am a single mum and have no childcare which means I cannot run, right? Wrong! I’ll shove the wee monster in a buggy and off we go. Whatever excuse you throw at me, chances are that there is always a workaround. Unless you are in a wheelchair and if you are, well, then I will run for you, friend.

If you have never jogged and/or are feeling self-conscious, then join me! If you are close enough to meet me in person, we are “open” between 07:30 and 10:30 7 days a week. I am happy to jog even the shortest distance in your company, no matter how slow, or just go for the (stop/start) first run attempt with you. Get in touch! And if you are not from the Windsor area then join me virtually and share your experience on Insta @the_runnerd or Twitter @JetJenny747. You don’t need these flipping £200 Nike shoes and crappy electrolytes drink to run your first mile. Just get out and do it!

Finally, if you are an experienced/regular runner and don’t need my silly attempts to motivate you, then I am here to entertain you! It’s going to be a laugh. 🙂

Look out for daily updates on this blog and @the_runnerd Instagram, or alternatively my Facebook. And if you don’t know what to do with your cash, feel free to buy me a gel or Lucozade here. Now get off your bum and put your trainers on! Chop chop!

The (small) two rivers loop

I do most of my buggy half marathons in Windsor Great Park, mainly because there are plenty of almost-traffic-free tarmac roads that make buggy running considerably easier. Today, I fancied something more challenging and therapeutic (I love water!) so I embarked on a lovely “two rivers” half. Starting from Slough and running by Jubilee River all the way to Taplow, then crossing over to Thames, following it to Dorney Lake and finally crossing back to Jubilee River. See below ⤵️

Jubilee River path itself is an excellent buggy running grounds as it’s wide and moderately easy to run on. But if you are an experienced(ish) buggy runner and fancy something a bit more challenging why not try the 6 mile loop from Dorney Lake up to Taplow Bath Road and back (see below⤵️).

The small “two rivers” loop

  • Why small? Because there is a much longer one that I shall map for you in the near future.
  • Distance: 6 miles
  • Difficulty: 7/10 (with 1 being a stroll on a perfectly flat concrete with a topless waiter serving you chilled coke every other mile, and 10 being a requirement to lift your buggy over a fence while escaping from angry cows)
  • Key points: single buggy only, one set of steps.

Obviously, since it’s a loop, you can technically start anywhere and run either clockwise or anticlockwise. On the map ⬆️ I marked a paid-for carpark at Dorney Lake, but you can park for free at a carpark by Marsh Lane/Jubilee River or Lake End Road (B3026)/Jubilee River. Please note that due to lockdown the two latter carparks are currently shut.

Whether you run clockwise or anticlockwise probably depends on whether you prefer to go up or down a set of steps with your buggy. I went up (anticlockwise) and it was manageable. A great way to get some muscle training into your cardio 😉

Either way, you can split the run into two different sections:

Jubilee River – As I mentioned this is the easier bit. The path is wide, fairly flat, with a decent surface (little bumpy at places but your buggy occupant is probably used to it already).

Jubilee River path

Thames path – This section is a bit more challenging. The north part is fairly wide and easy, with a great view of some ultra-posh houses. Going south it gets gradually narrow and traily – tree roots and uneven surface. Don’t expect to move fast. But it is stunning so it’s worth the effort. You can’t pass someone without one of you getting out of the way, so I would recommend less busy time than a Sunday afternoon. I ran there around 9 am on a Friday morning and bumped into a handful people only.

Lock at Thames path

So when you are fed up with running in a “civilisation”, crossing the road for a hundredth time on a 5 miler and constantly apologising everyone for blocking the pavement, ditch the town jog and come to run by my rivers ❤

Sod the pace!

I am traditionally fairly sensible / strict when it comes to my everyday life. Even on furlough, I get up at 05:30, aim to learn something new every day, watch what I eat, exercise…

Speaking of exercise, apparently about 80% of our training runs should be at an easy pace. I suspect I am not the only “criminal” out there who does most of their training runs closer to “tempo” rather than “easy” pace. The other day, a hot fast runner was telling me how he should try slow down some of his runs because apparently he does them too fast.

My response was: “Just have fun, sod the pace!”

I mean it sounds crazy trying to consciously slow yourself down when your body is ready to perform (especially since you won’t be racing for another few months). Equally, why would you be killing yourself to achieve the pace you’ve set yourself, when you are just not feeling it? Sometimes you have to let it all go, because those runs when you don’t check your watch tend to be the most enjoyable ones.

Today I set off into chilly but sunny morning. I did 6.81 miles because I felt rebellious enough not to take it to 7. My splits were all over the place. Some areas I felt like putting effort in and was flying, while some places I just jogged casually. I stopped numerous time to take about 57 selfies. I discovered a new path by the river. It was a great fun!

So I’m telling you – sod the pace! (At least once in a while.) Don’t look at your watch. Run because it feels good. Run because you can. Run because you are grateful you can. Run because one day perhaps you won’t be able to. Run for all the people who cannot. Run and smile at strangers. Run and admire the world around. Run and feel the joy!!

How to show the world you’re a proper runner

During our delightful lockdown, large numbers of joggers-newbies appeared practically out of nowhere. Because, who would want to miss out on their entitlement of one form of exercise a day, right?

First of all, let us be clear that we (we = the true running legends *cough*) support them and encourage them to run because we love running. We want them to keep it up and do well.

At the same time, we sometimes can’t help it and tend to judge them with the same scepticism that we have for all the newbies who join the gym on January 1st every year. We know that soon their numbers will be depleted and most of them will end up back on their sofa. Sad reality.

As much as you want everyone in the world to take on running, you were doing it since before you were even born and don’t want to be mistaken for a newbie (not that there is anything wrong about being one). So how do you make sure that the world (the passing-by drivers, doggers, cyclists and most importantly other runners) realise that you are the real deal?

Here are the key points, some of which you are already following (that is if you really are the hardcore gel-eater that you claim to be):

  • Wear a race top, ideally an older one, with a year clearly visible to show everyone you’ve been doing this for a long time.
  • Lycra. Be dressed in lycra head to toe. Loose sweatpants advertise that you are a newbie.
  • Wear as little clothes as possible. Is it windy and rainy? So? Running vest and shorty shorts are still all you need. Put away that bloody winter jacket you rookie!!
  • Wear only real running brands, especially when it comes to shoes. Lonsdale sneakers are NOT running shoes. It’s gonna get expensive so whoever told you that running is a cheap sport was not a true runner.
  • Do not jog holding a bottle of water. Especially not if it’s just an old coke bottle refilled with water and you are doing two laps around the block. No! You don’t need that stuff. If you are going for a long run (long run is not 3 miles!!!) and need some hydration, use a proper fancy running belt or camelbak.
  • Do not stop and walk! It’s a no no. Just keep running. No stopping. NO!
  • Go running no matter the weather. Pissing down? Only the hardcore runners will be out – so you can show the world you are one of them!
  • Enthusiastically greet all passing runners. An acknowledgement nod is not good enough. Wave as if you’ve just spotted your best mate.
  • Join Strava. Share all your runs on other social media for those who are not Strava athletes. Running without a fitness watch is not allowed!
  • When talking to friends, refer to your cousin’s husband’s uncle as your “coach” just because he once gave you a running related tip.
  • If you really want to take it to the next level, get a foam roller. And then never use it.
  • Finally, please don’t do stupid stretches using a bench in the park. No real runner has ever been spotted doing that kind of stuff.

I hope these tips are helpful and will consolidate your status of a running legend. Also note, that it is much easier to impress non-runners who have not got a clue whether you have just completed a 10 miler or jogged up and down the street. Chances are they will tell everyone you run marathons just because they regularly see you sweaty and dressed in lycra. Take advantage of that!

Now, if you are a newbie who is trying to fit in the running community and disguise yourself as one of us, follow the tips above religiously (you are welcome). We sincerely hope that what started as a disguise will become your nature. I am already looking forward to spotting you sucking on a warm piss-flavoured gel at mile 15 of your Sunday run.

Are you a secret introvert?

I remember learning at school about introversion and extraversion. It appeared that to be perceived as cool, one ought to be an extrovert so that’s what I said I was when the teacher asked, not paying notice to my evenings spent alone reading and weekends wandering by myself in the woods.

The differences between extroverts and introverts have their foundations in dopamine, specifically how active the dopamine rewards system in their brain is. To explain simply – dopamine enables you to be excited by the possibility of a pleasure/reward. You may have already guessed that extroverts are those with a more active dopamine reward system than those of introverts. That is why the possibility of a pleasure (which can be anything from social status to food to money) is more appealing to extroverts and serves them as a motivator. Subsequently extroverts put more effort into pursuing these possibilities, while introverts take it a bit more easy. An extrovert is having a great time chatting to all sorts of people at a party (=> a possible reward of better social status, new acquaintances and relationships, perhaps even sex) while introvert just chills at home without much FOMO.

I grew up convinced that one gets nowhere if he/she isn’t a go-getter who’s always out there, and so I spent most of my life doing all the uncomfortable things (telephone job interviews, work dos, you name it) without questioning why I am doing all this when my dream job would be sitting alone in a room with multiple computer screens and no one to disturb me. When I used to fly as a cabin crew, I was quite creative at coming up with excuses why I cannot hang out with my colleagues downroute. I even remember this one time when they convinced me to come join them for lunch, but in the restaurant I got up before we even ordered starters, walked away and had a delightful meal on my own in another establishment. A right twat. But a happy one. At that point I was still 100% sure I was an extrovert.

What made me review things is the lockdown we currently live in. When they shut the country down (bars, restaurants, cinemas…) and introduced social distancing, a lot of people freaked out. They won’t be able to see their family, spend time with friends, get off their faces and go clubbing, have a meal out, go physically to the office or anywhere else really. Sounds awful right? Except to me it sounded (and still does) wonderful! It’s like I recieved an official license to be an unsociable weirdo who does not talk to people (especially not since being furloughed). A dream come true!

A work colleague organised an unofficial series of zoom catch up sessions. I dialed into the first one and spent an hour listening how people struggle not being able to hang out with people and how difficult this all is. I never dialed into another one again. As our lockdown progressed, I even started ignoring calls and messages from my friends and family just because I did not feel like talking to people. (If I am currently not replying to you, I still love you btw, just very busy enjoying some quality alone time.) In no way I feel like I am struggling due to the lack of social contact – on the contrary. I’m enjoying this new way of life tremendously, which makes me consider the possibility that there might be a bit of an introvert in my clearly extroverted personality. Or perhaps I have been a fake extrovert my entire life? Who knows 😉

Now let’s talk about you. Ask yourself: How do I cope with quarantine?

  • On a daily basis, are you struggling not being able to go out and socialise?
  • Are you constantly texting and facetiming all your friends and family members?
  • Do your usual activities (like going for a walk, exercising, or simply watching TV) seem way less fun when done on your own?
  • Do you get bored because you don’t know what to do with your time on your own?
  • Are you joining every silly zoom call, virtual wine session and pub quizz?
  • Do you prefer to fill your newly gained free time with anything, but self-reflection?
  • Do you miss engaging in small talk with random members of the public?

The more “no” answers to the questions above, the more of an introvert you are. If you (like me) answered “no” to all of them – welcome to the club and enjoy the lockdown because it won’t last forever. ❤

How to get away with your second run

Imagine living in a world where going for a second run is not allowed. Great idea for a sci-fi movie plot. Except it’s our reality.

If you’re one of those nutters who always used to run twice a day, or need a second jog in order not to murder a family member, here are some tips on how to make it happen:

  1. Run at night. Wear black clothes and cover your face in black paint. Tell no one. If your spouse becomes suspicious, admit a fictitious affair.
  2. Do your second run wearing your household member’s fitness watch. Ideally without them knowing so it will be them who gets Strava bollocking.
  3. Run in disguise. A wig won’t do. Be thorough. Invent an “undercover runner” persona. Think it through. What is their name? What is their comfortable pace? Do they push themselves or just jog casually? Music or no music? How do they greet other runners? Do they hate dog walkers? What is their running style?
  4. Buy a new fitness watch and create second Strava account. Under a fake name obviously. Follow your fake Strava account and comment on their runs.
  5. Ask a lazy-bum non-active neighbour if you can have their daily exercise allowance. Exchange for toilet roll if necessary. Make them sign a legal contract. Hire a lawyer not to get screwed over. Carry the contract with you on all your second runs.
  6. Run on your way to do your essentials shop. That surely does not count as exercise. Upload a picture of you with a shopping basket to Strava in case anyone complains.
  7. Pretend you are insane and do your second run with a fully equipped military bag. If someone asks, say you were told to get to the extraction point as soon as possible.
  8. Do a morning run. Pause your fitness watch. Un-pause to do your evening run. Don’t shower between the two runs – that would be cheating.
  9. Wear a nurse uniform and pretend you are run-commuting. To be prepared, watch some YouTube videos on how to give CPR – if worse comes to worst.
  10. Don’t use your home rubbish bin. Instead, run outside to the bin every time you have a piece of rubbish to throw out. Encourage family members to munch on Celebrations and offer to dispose of each wrapper individually.

Please do delight me with your ideas – I am sure you have plenty 🙂

And most importantly, do not let me tempt you – always stick to government guidelines and social distancing rules 😉

Armageddon Diaries 07 April 2020: Furlough

Yesterday it was my first official day of furlough! The fact that at about 5:30 am I realised I forgot to pay £18K to a supplier and since I am furloughed I am not allowed to log in to sort it out spoiled the start of the day a little… But then I went for my first (soaking wet) 10 miler since being unwell last week, and my life was great once again.

In our company, the majority of staff got furloughed on 80% pay until the end of May. Surprisingly, there was a mixed response to this.

You are given two months off on 80% pay. How can anyone be unhappy about this? Sure, 80% is not 100%, but realistically with events cancelled, pubs closed and no chance to travel, you might end up being financially better off.

My second point is – nearly two months off. OFF! No work! Remember how you always say you work too much? Well, now you don’t have to. Okay, I hear you – with events cancelled, pubs closed and no chance to travel, what is there left to do?

Well – everything! Remember all the things you always wanted to do? Your prayers have been answered 😉 You can now paint your study, start 30 days abs challenge, read all the books, do that marketing course, think about the meaning of universe and everything. This is your chance! Take it! Grab it by the tail or hair or horns or whatever body part you choose – just do it! Don’t waste this chance because it most likely is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

If anyone moans about being bored, I will come, break the social distancing rule and smack their face. Boredom is criminal. There are people who have been taken from this world far too soon. If you are sitting around bored, you are being a disgrace because those dying people would do anything to have another healthy day in this world. So do not dare to be bored. Get up and do something, even if it’s binge watching a TV series or cleaning the windows.

Whatever you chose to do, just feel alive doing it and be grateful for having the opportunity and the time…because many don’t, so you are very fortunate indeed.

Armageddon Diaries: 30 March 2020

I have spent the past week and half on annual leave (that’s correct – I have wasted seven days of my leave in a lockdown). Today was my first day back in the “real” world – in the world where we have to work from home while taking care of our children at the same time. I mean like “what???”

I am a single parent of an almost-2-yr-old darling (read “little sh!t”) whom I love with my whole heart and more. I normally struggle coping with him at weekends because he needs entertainment every waking minute and can sit still for about 45 seconds at a time. So when I was told I would work from home while taking care of my son, I nodded the same way I would nod if someone told me they had been abducted by aliens.

This morning I woke up all charged up and determined to do it. By 9:30 am during a video meeting my child was quite literally climbing onto me using my hair to pull himself up. At 9:45 he became very quiet and finally entertained himself. I suspected he might be in the bathroom drinking toilet bleach. When the meeting was over a few minutes later, the bleach was untouched but I found black permanent marker drawings on the furniture. They will go well with the chocolate hand prints on the walls and miniature tyre marks on the doors.

Finally, we got to nap time which meant I can get some work done. It took me 45 mins to send him to sleep, but it was totally worth it as he slept for whole 16 minutes. Out of my work day he spent about 30% time squeaking, howling and throwing himself onto the floor.

Going mad towards the end of the day, I donned a blonde curly wig for the wide team meeting. Losing my fear of embarrassing myself, I have won some sort of “best coffee mug” competition, only thank to my wig, having no coffee mug handy.

Now here I am at the end of the day, only just starting to actually work, thinking “How will I keep this up for another two or more months?”

How?

I haven’t got a clue.

Even my own mother who has got a PhD in pedagogy wanted my advice on this because apparently she gets asked that question all the time.

My advice to her was:

You know when Jesus was on the cross and he got offered wine but refused? Well, parents homeschooling their little ones while trying to work from home are essentially hanging on their own crosses. The wine offered to Jesus was intended as a type of painkiller. You are in pain. My advice is: take the wine! You need to take the edge off the pain, so please do whatever it takes – exercise, wine, chocolate, kicking the wall… whatever it takes. Because you need to stay sane – because you don’t want to snap and scream at your children – because you don’t want to be unkind – because you cannot lose your sense of humour. So do whatever works for you, no matter what it is, because all is fair in love and war 😉

Armageddon Diaries: 25 March 2020

Sleep: Higher likelihood of me getting a six pack before achieving more than 6 and half hours sleep.

Weekly mileage: 18. Running keeps me sane. That is if I am still sane.

Risk of redundancy: 90%

What is worse I wonder – uncertainty or unpleasant certainty?

These days we live in uncertainty, as well as unpleasant certainty. I am a numbers person. If I know I have about 15% chance of finding toilet paper on the shelves of my local supermarket, I won’t even bother going in, because the chance is too slim. If I assess that I have about 10% chance of still being in a job by the time this is over, the numbers are clearly not in my favour.

But those are just numbers. Statistics. Estimates. How about having a little faith? Faith which cannot be expressed in numbers. Faith that things will work out as they have done so far, despite uncertainties and hardships. When we do everything that is in our power, there is no point in worrying any more. All we can do is sit back, have a little faith and perhaps inspire others who desperately need it. Just close your eyes and imagine the whole universe working in your favour, because it does and it will, although at this moment in time we do not understand it yet. So just have a little faith because it brings us peace that we so sorely need.