Armageddon Diaries 07 April 2020: Furlough

Yesterday it was my first official day of furlough! The fact that at about 5:30 am I realised I forgot to pay £18K to a supplier and since I am furloughed I am not allowed to log in to sort it out spoiled the start of the day a little… But then I went for my first (soaking wet) 10 miler since being unwell last week, and my life was great once again.

In our company, the majority of staff got furloughed on 80% pay until the end of May. Surprisingly, there was a mixed response to this.

You are given two months off on 80% pay. How can anyone be unhappy about this? Sure, 80% is not 100%, but realistically with events cancelled, pubs closed and no chance to travel, you might end up being financially better off.

My second point is – nearly two months off. OFF! No work! Remember how you always say you work too much? Well, now you don’t have to. Okay, I hear you – with events cancelled, pubs closed and no chance to travel, what is there left to do?

Well – everything! Remember all the things you always wanted to do? Your prayers have been answered 😉 You can now paint your study, start 30 days abs challenge, read all the books, do that marketing course, think about the meaning of universe and everything. This is your chance! Take it! Grab it by the tail or hair or horns or whatever body part you choose – just do it! Don’t waste this chance because it most likely is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

If anyone moans about being bored, I will come, break the social distancing rule and smack their face. Boredom is criminal. There are people who have been taken from this world far too soon. If you are sitting around bored, you are being a disgrace because those dying people would do anything to have another healthy day in this world. So do not dare to be bored. Get up and do something, even if it’s binge watching a TV series or cleaning the windows.

Whatever you chose to do, just feel alive doing it and be grateful for having the opportunity and the time…because many don’t, so you are very fortunate indeed.

Armageddon Diaries: 25 March 2020

Sleep: Higher likelihood of me getting a six pack before achieving more than 6 and half hours sleep.

Weekly mileage: 18. Running keeps me sane. That is if I am still sane.

Risk of redundancy: 90%

What is worse I wonder – uncertainty or unpleasant certainty?

These days we live in uncertainty, as well as unpleasant certainty. I am a numbers person. If I know I have about 15% chance of finding toilet paper on the shelves of my local supermarket, I won’t even bother going in, because the chance is too slim. If I assess that I have about 10% chance of still being in a job by the time this is over, the numbers are clearly not in my favour.

But those are just numbers. Statistics. Estimates. How about having a little faith? Faith which cannot be expressed in numbers. Faith that things will work out as they have done so far, despite uncertainties and hardships. When we do everything that is in our power, there is no point in worrying any more. All we can do is sit back, have a little faith and perhaps inspire others who desperately need it. Just close your eyes and imagine the whole universe working in your favour, because it does and it will, although at this moment in time we do not understand it yet. So just have a little faith because it brings us peace that we so sorely need.

Complainable compliments

Compliments! You may tell yourself you don’t care about them but secretly you love them. Everyone does. It’s human nature. I enjoy complimenting people and guess what – no one ever complained about receiving too many compliments. However…

It’s widely known I am a little weird and adore people’s weirdness (or uniqueness if you wish). This often means that I end up complimenting something no one else would find complimentable, nor compliment-worthy.

Imagine this scene: Monday 9 am work meeting. The programme manager (who is a man of perfect suits) walks in wearing a suit that is considerably different to his usual plain black, well-fitted, expensive and boring piece.

Me: “Oh your suit is so 90s!”

Him: *smiling confusedly*

He never wore that suit ever again, although I genuinely liked it and found it refreshing. Sigh.

Some of my other “legendary” / unfortunate compliments are:

I love the shape of your skull!

The chocolate stain on your uniform matches your eyes.

You pee as fast as you run.

Your jaw line is a genetic treasure.

I love your annoying work emails!

Your sweat smells lovely.

I swear to you, all of the statements above are positive and meant as genuine compliments. Some would (and did) disagree. Hence, recently in an attempt not to scare away this dude whom I called a caveman (a compliment!!!) I had to clarify:

If at any point in future, you are unsure whether I am insulting or complimenting you, it is always the latter.

And same applies to you gorgeous people! Whatever weird words come out of my mouth – they are intended as positive statements. After all, we live in a world full off nastiness and drama, so we should celebrate the little quirky things that make us special.