The struggle of a working mum

I never thought I’d be one of the people who six days into a new job already consider quitting, yet here I am writing about it. I feel like I can’t do it. Luckily I am stubborn enough so “I don’t think I can do it” is not good enough reason to quit.

I am used to doing everything 100% and that’s where my problem lies. You can’t fully dedicate yourself to a new job and carry out duties of a single parent at the same time. It’s impossible. Actually physically impossible. Even when you are willing to give up all of your free time (including lunchbreaks at work), you still can’t fulfil the role of a driven professional and a dedicated parent both at the same time.

When it comes to a new job, I am used to showing them how it’s done. I want to come into the office so early that the security guard questions my presence, work my bottom off through the day and leave only after the boss does, while still answering work emails through the evening. Well, that is impossible when you are a single parent of a one year old. Within my first week on the job, there were already three days when I had to rush home early as my little one had a high temperature. The stress of receiving another phone call from the nursery, trying to secretly sneak out of the office and spending a small fortune on uber, while learning a new job, has been exhausting. I feel incredibly guilty, not about leaving my little one in a nursery, but about not giving my new job 100% of my effort. How can I ever be really successful at work when I don’t give it my all? I don’t know. For me the only consolation is that my moderate effort probably equals an average person’s best effort, so I might just about manage to fit in. Although, this will be a torture for someone like me who is used to excel… But the bottom line is that I am not quitting because that’s just not my style!